Twelve Long Months
by scarylolita
Summary: Kenny dumps Craig in the most brutal way possible. This leaves Clyde to nurse the stifled teenager through a particularly nasty breakup all while suppressing his own feelings. Slash.
1. Part one

**South Park © Matt & Trey. **

**All in Clyde's POV! I feel like I neglect him so he gets a story finally. I've also been getting pretty into the pairing of Clyde/Craig lately.  
>Anyway, this fic is pretty tame in comparison to most of my stories. Nothing majorly traumatic. There will be 3 chapters. Enjoy~<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>June.<strong>

Kenny dumped Craig. Again.

The story makes its way through the halls of the high school at rapid speed. Craig isn't here, of course. He's probably at home nursing new wounds. I decide to forego my last class and make my way to his place to make sure he's all right. When I knock on the door, Laura lets me in with a piteous smile. She knows exactly what happened. "Craig is in his room," she says. "Maybe you can get him to come downstairs, because I sure can't."

I nod my thanks and remove my boots and coat before running upstairs. I let myself in and it's dim. Craig's room is very boring and very typical, as one might expect. There are very few signs of life. There's a guinea pig cage on his dresser. Sitting next to it is some deodorant and a stuffed bear his mother gave him when he was little. Against the wall in the center of the room is a bed and on one side is a tall lamp while on the other side there is a nightstand with a digital clock. Craig is lying in bed buried beneath the blue duvet with his back facing me.

I take a step forward and before I even get a word out I hear, "Go away."

"Dude, it's just me," I tell him.

He rolls over and says, "Oh." He sits up and the comforter pools at his waist. He's not wearing a shirt. I can't help but wonder if he's also not wearing pants, but I shake that thought away.

I sit on the edge of his bed and ask, "So, how are you feeling?"

"I've been lying here despondently," he states monotonously. "How do you _think_ I'm feeling?"

"Shitty?" I guess.

It always goes like this. Kenny dumps Craig horribly and then Craig tries and fails to hold it in. I nurse him through his break ups as best as I can and, when Kenny allows it, Craig comes crawling back to him. It's so degrading I can't even bear to watch it. They're more melodramatic than Stan and Wendy. I keep hoping Kenny will just dump Craig for good because I know, in the long run, it'd be better. They're not right for one another. Kenny is sympathetic and worldly, but too often he can be the opposite of those things. Craig needs someone who knows him and can be kind always – not just when it suits him.

"He dumped me," Craig murmurs. "For real this time."

"How do you know it's really over?" I ask him, knowing how often they're on and off.

"Because he's seeing someone else," Craig reveals hoarsely. His voice is weak, but he isn't crying. Not yet. "Of all the times we broke up… he never did that before. Sometimes he'd fuck other people… but he never actually entered a new relationship."

I can't help but frown at that, surprised the idiot found someone else so fast. Then again, maybe Kenny has been cheating all along – not that I'd ever express that sentiment. Instead, all I do is pry with, "Who?"

Craig grinds his teeth together. "Rebecca," he mutters.

Now that surprises me. Rebecca – Red – and Craig have always been close. I guess they won't be hanging out anymore.

"Boyfriend stealing bitch," Craig adds as an afterthought.

I don't know why Craig is like this. I don't know why he spent years sitting back and taking all the shit Kenny handed to him. I'd never take back someone who dumped me and went around fucking other people. I'd feel so humiliated. So low. So fucking degraded.

I knew this day would eventually come years before it even happened. Part of me is relieved, but I know how selfish this makes me. After years of on and off dating, Kenny and Craig are done. After years of the hypersexual psychopath tormenting Craig emotionally, it's all over. In Craig's words, for real this time.

"I'm sorry, dude," I offer. I try to sound as sincere as I can. "If it's any consolation, you deserve better. He was an asshole to you all the time."

He lets out a sigh. "I don't care that I deserve better, though I doubt that's true. I want _him_."

I wonder if he always will. I wonder if Kenny will get tired of Red and let Craig come back again. I fucking hope not. I don't want to watch Craig crawl back to Kenny again, especially not after this. "So," I start. "How did it happen?"

Craig wrinkles his nose. "He dumped me after school in front of his fucking friends. Cartman laughed and then Kenny said, 'Craig, I'm not trying to be a dick but the only way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Try it.' And he said it like he was giving me some really great advice."

"Are you going to take it?" I ask.

"No!" he snaps at me. "Do I really seem like that kind of person?"

"No," I say, "but people do this kind of shit when they're heartbroken."

"Not me," he mutters.

I guess that doesn't surprise me. Craig is closed off when it comes to sex and most other things. Bebe once walked into his room while he was masturbating. He ignored her for the rest of the month. He's rigid about his body and even more rigid about letting other people close to it. Kenny was the first person he slept with. He probably hoped Kenny would also be the last person he slept with. It takes a lot for Craig to open up to someone. Kenny was persistent. He thought of it as a game, even I could see that. I warned Craig to avoid him. Bebe and Token and Tweek did, too. Kenny McCormick is bad news. But Craig didn't listen and he was sucked into an endless cycle of psychological torment. Craig loves too hard. It takes a lot out of him. He deserves someone who will treat him right.

"Well, at least high school will be over soon and you won't have to see him after that," I offer.

Almost everyone is leaving. Token and his girlfriend, Nichole, are both headed to Harvard with scholarships. Token is studying neuroscience and Nichole is studying sociology. Bebe is heading to Boulder along with Wendy, Kyle and Stan. The fat fuck is probably going with them.

"Kenny isn't going to university," Craig mumbles. "Neither am I."

"Yeah, but… Neither is Tweek and… neither am I," I remind him. "So, even if Kenny is around… I'll be around, too."

Craig works at the local pet mart. It suits him. He likes animals. He gets to wear whatever he wants under the apron. I think he enjoys his work, unlike me. I work at Wal-Mart and I have to deal with assholes all day. I have to wear beige khakis and the required ugly-ass vest. It's not glamorous, but at least it's money. Tweek works for his parents. All day every day he's making coffee. He works a lot and he works hard, but I think he welcomes it. If he's not keeping busy, he's stressing out. Because of that, we don't get to see him as much as we used to when we were kids.

Craig forces a small smile. "Yeah, I know. You're always around, no matter how bitchy I get. I'm high maintenance."

"No, you're not," I offer, but I'm lying out of my ass. He's the most high maintenance friend I've ever had.

"Liar," he murmurs, reading me easily. He shifts away, pulling the blankets back slightly. I lie down next to him and he closes his eyes. "Don't get too close," he warns.

"I won't," I promise, staring at him. He probably won't want to be touched by anyone for a while.

I feel bad. There are times it's really hard to push away the dirty thoughts I get about him. It'll start off innocent. I'll imagine kissing him, pulling him close. I'll imagine him moaning into my mouth. I'll imagine his taste. Then it gets less innocent. I'll imagine what he'd look like under me. I'll imagine what he'd sound like saying my name while I give him a proper fuck. Like I said, dirty thoughts.

I can't count the amount of nights I've hung out with Craig after seeing Kenny leave. The entire time, Craig would totally reek of sex and have a wild case of bed hair – hair that literally shouted, "I just got fucked." Craig keeps his hair brushed and if it's messy he either just woke up or just got pounded.

Craig can have multiple orgasms. Obviously this isn't something I know first-hand. It's something Kenny used to brag about. "Yeah, I got him off like four times." I always hated hearing about that shit in the locker rooms.

I like girls, but I also like Craig. I can't even begin to count how many dirty dreams I've had about him. He's the only guy I've ever taken an interest in. I don't know why. It's always been this but no matter what it's something I'll keep to myself. Only Bebe knows. Sometimes she gives me these suggestive winks when she sees me and Craig together, but she'd never spill my secret. Me and Bebe went steady for a while until mutually agreeing it was time to part ways. Now she's seeing Kyle and I have to listen to her talk about his "sweet ass" all the damn time. She says she fucks it well with her strap on and it makes me wish I had an ass to fuck. I've been celibate for the past year, though it's hardly been my choice.

I continue to stare at Craig. His eyes are closed, but he isn't asleep. He looks tense. There's a crease in his brow, like he's concentrating on something. Perhaps he's trying to will away his own thoughts – though I'm sure his are of a very different in nature than mine are.

He's so fucking pretty. Maybe that's why I like him. But at the same time, I know it's not a shallow attraction. If it was, I would care a lot less for his well-being.

He's an inch shorter than me and definitely less broad. He's really fair-skinned and he's slim, but not scrawny. His eyes are an icy blue and there's a freckle below his left eye. He has dimples when he smiles, though it doesn't happen often. He also has pretty crooked teeth, but I think it adds character. His hair is black and he keeps it brushed neatly. He looks nothing at all like his parents because he's adopted. Apparently his birth parents croaked. Luckily it isn't something he worries about.

After a few minutes, Craig opens his eyes and looks at me. "I can feel you staring at me, Clyde."

"Sorry," I say with a sheepish smile.

"What are you thinking about?" he pries.

"You," I admit. "I want you to be happy."

"Hm," he grunts. I know he hates it when I get sentimental and emotional, but I feel like I need to express it every so often.

He sits up and turns around, placing his feet on the floor. I stare at his back, travelling down his spine and staring at the dimples above his butt. His shorts are riding low and I can see his ass crack. No complaints. When he stands up, he hikes his shorts back up and mumbles, "I need to piss."

Craig's got class and charm, yup.

"All right," I say. I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.

Sometimes I think I'm in love with Craig. It's a scary thought. It's also a fucking depressing thought because they're words I doubt I'll ever be able to say out loud. Craig is a cynic. He says love just gets thrown in your face. I guess he's right. I learned that when my mom died and my dad started ignoring me. Craig has learned it every time Kenny dumped him.

But I'm going to try not to be as pessimistic as Craig is. Sure, love can hurt you, but I think it can help you, too. It's something everyone needs, as much as we might like to deny it.

When Craig returns he hovers in the doorway. He's expressionless. I eye him up and down, trying to read him but I never can. He can read me, though. He does it so easily at times.

I sit up and pat the bed next to me. He hesitates, but after a minute he moves forward. "Why does this always happen to me?" he asks shakily, getting back into bed.

"I dunno, dude," I murmur. "I wish I had all the answers, but I don't."

"I think he hated sleeping with me," Craig murmurs out of the blue.

"Why the hell do yah think that?" I ask, lying down and facing him.

"I'm not a sexual being," he starts, staring blankly at the ceiling, "but Kenny is. I like very mundane vanilla sex. He was more into… kinks and stuff. Sometimes I'd do the things he was into, but I never really liked it. I'd just do it for him. He never pressured, but I felt like I owed it to him. Maybe that's why we'd break up so much… Maybe he felt like he needed something more exciting. Now I feel like… maybe if I was more… I dunno, maybe if I was sexier he would've stuck around. Maybe if I shaved and did other things I knew he would've preferred… he wouldn't have left."

Craig doesn't like to shave. He shaves his face because he says he doesn't like the scruffy feeling, but he can't be fucked to shave anything else. It's not something I've ever seen personally, he just brought it up in passing. I think it's a _fuck you_ to everyone who made fun of his mom – one of them being Kenny. "_I think it drives him mad that I won't shave my pubes_," Craig once said with a snort. I just chuckled while trying not to imagine him naked.

"You shouldn't feel that way, dude," I tell him. "You don't owe anyone anything ever. Do what you want. Don't ever do things you're not comfortable with, okay?"

"Okay," he says with a miserable sigh.

"Besides," I chuckle, "you're plenty _sexy_, even with body hair."

"You hitting on me?" he asks lightly.

"Yeah, duh," I respond. He smiles a small smile, reaching forward and nudging my shoulder. He always thinks I'm joking, but I never am. "Look," I continue on a more serious note. "If humans were meant to be hairless, don't you think we would simply _be_ that way? Like you say, it's natural and there's nothin' wrong it."

"I know," he murmurs, sighing. "Fuck, I sound pathetic. I'm just… really embarrassed and really angry and really fucking upset. Why'd he have to do it in front of everyone like that?"

"Because he's an ass?" I offer.

Craig sniffles and sighs once more. Any minute now he'll start to cry. He's been holding it in since I got here, perhaps even before that. "Fuck," he hisses, sniffling again."

"Let it out, dude," I say. "Otherwise, you'll just end up feeling worse."

"I don't want to cry over him," he confesses wetly. He brings a hand over his face, breathing into his palm.

I reach forward and gently grab his wrist, moving it away from his face and keeping eye contact. "It's okay," I tell him. "Do what you have to do to make yourself feel better. It's not about Kenny. It's about you."

He turns his face and presses it into the pillow as I hold his limp hand. I let go of him and he lets it fall onto the mattress. It's quiet and, a split second later, he finally starts to cry. He emits these long, whiny sobs.

I sigh silently, hesitating before starting to move my fingers through his hair. It's soft, feathery but thick. He only starts crying harder and I have no idea why. I guess he doesn't want to be touched. So, I draw away and whisper, "You'll be okay, Craig. Whether or not you see it now, it's true."

Naturally, he doesn't respond. So, we just lie here together. He cries and I listen to it. I wish I could get him to stop because he's making me want to cry, too. I hate when he cries, but I would never tell him to stop. I know how shitty that feels from the amount of times it's been said to me.

_"Sh, don't cry."_

_"No need to be so upset."_

_"Stop being so sensitive." _

I hate hearing that kind of shit. It always comes from the mouths of people who don't really care about you. If you care about someone… If you _really_ care about someone, you'll let them cry and you'll listen to them and you won't tell them to stop.

Soon enough, he begins to quiet. He finally shifts, sitting up. He looks messy, but still nice. "Fuck," he mumbles in a gravelly tone, wiping his wet cheeks. His face is flushed, his nose is red and his eyes are bloodshot. He sniffles some more, bringing his hand up and unceremoniously wiping his snot on the back of his hand.

"How do you feel?" I ask, sitting up and making eye contact.

"Shitty," he says, "but maybe a little less shitty than before."

* * *

><p><strong>July. <strong>

It's summer break. That means it's been a month and Kenny still hasn't let Craig crawl back to him. By now, he's no longer with Red. They broke up before graduation, which happened near the end of last month. Craig and Red never rekindled their friendship. Craig holds a mean grudge and they probably won't ever get back what she and Kenny fucked up.

So, that's it. High school is done. It feels weird to think about. Everyone is mostly gone, but they'll all be back at some point. No one who goes ever truly stays gone. I swear, that's the curse of this shit-hole of a town.

Kenny got a job at the convenient store near the pet shop Craig works at. I want to go in there and yell at him. It's like he's trying to keep Craig at arm's length just to rub it in his face that they're no longer together. How is Craig supposed to move on if that asshole McCormick won't fuck off?

That's what is so fucking sad about this. Craig is still not over him. Craig is still crying about how it ended. I feel like it's all he does lately. He just cries and talks shit about Kenny in an attempt to compensate for the feelings that won't go away.

Now is no different. We're sitting in his room and he just finished another cry-session. "You're the only person that stays," he murmurs. "Everyone else fucks off and ditches me. You're the only person in the fucking world who hasn't let me down."

I've been doing all I can for him. Bebe keeps telling me I'm doing too much, but what does she know about it? About me? About Craig? Not as much as I know, that's for sure.

I offer him a small smile. "You're my best friend, dude," I say.

He forces a smile in return, wiping his cheeks off. Fuck, he's cute. I want to hug him, but he hasn't really let me near him since Kenny stepped all over his feelings. I wouldn't dare push. His smile soon falters and he looks melancholy, if a little bit sombre. He stares down at his hands before staring up at me again.

"What is it?" I ask.

He doesn't respond. Instead, he moves forward and touches his lips to mine. It's quick and chaste and soon he draws again.

"What was that for?" I ask weakly, thoroughly taken aback.

"Friendship kiss," he says before wrapping his arms around me. "Don't leave," he murmurs and the demand makes me feel a little claustrophobic, like it's a sort of ultimatum. Nonetheless, I can't push him away.

"I won't," I promise him hoarsely and he tightens his grip.

Fuck, Craig drives me crazy. I don't think he even means to… but then again, maybe he does. Token and Nichole always used to accuse Craig of being manipulative. In comparison, they'd accuse me of never being able to see through it. They'd accuse me of always being the first to bow at his feet and feed his every whim. I never used to see it, but I guess they were kind of right.

After a minute, I put an arm around his back, rubbing circles. I like when he lets me touch him like this. It doesn't happen often. Even when we were kids, he wasn't one for touching. He'd let me give him a pat on the shoulder and that was about it. I know for a fact he's never kissed another person apart from Kenny. I can't help but wonder why he kissed me. I know it doesn't run as deep as I'd like it to. He doesn't feel the same way. He just likes me near. I like him near, too… but my feelings go in a whole other direction.

I can't tell him about it. Not now, not ever. I already know how it would unfold. I'd tell him and he wouldn't feel the same way… Then everything would change. I don't want things to change. I want things to stay the same as they are now. I want him to always be my best friend. I don't want to scare him away with lovey shit. Love is something that scares him. It probably always will. He's scared of love and when he finally opens himself up to it, he's scared of people leaving. He's always scared of something. He's never unafraid. He's never sincerely content.

At least he's letting me get close to him again. I'll take that as a good sign.

After another few minutes, the door swings open and Craig immediately pushes me away with a harsh shove of his hands. I turn and see his mother hovering in the doorway, a small yet cautious smile on her face. "Hi, boys," she greets. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'm making dinner. Clyde, will you be staying?"

"Sure," I grin.

She nods and leaves without another word. I think Laura likes me best out of all of Craig's friends, even Token – the golden boy. She thanked me repeatedly for being the one to coax Craig out of his room when Kenny finally ended things.

"Clyde?" I hear Craig.

"Mm?" I ask, turning back around to face him.

A pause.

"Never mind," he says in a murmur. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure?" I pry.

He moves farther away from me, nodding. "Stay here tonight."

"Sure," I accept easily, "but why?"

He frowns. "Why the hell _not_?" he responds cattily. "You may as well. Besides, do I have to explain my motives for wanting to spend time with my friend?"

"No," I mutter. "Sorry."

* * *

><p><strong>August.<strong>

I got a car. Finally. I got my license when I was sixteen, but I never bothered trying to save up for a car until recently. Unlike me, Craig doesn't even have his license. He has little interest in it. He says it's pointless since everything in South Park is nearby.

Summer is almost over. I've been going to the gym a lot in between work, which usually happens to be a bit late. If Craig is working, he'll meet me when I'm finished and I'll drive us both back to his place. The pet shop closes around when I'm usually at the gym.

I'm pretty proud of how much I've bulked up. I've always been in good shape, but now I think I'm in the best shape of my life. After hitting the showers, I throw on a change of clean sweatpants and a t-shirt before putting on my jacket. I stare at myself in the mirror before leaving. Brown hair, brown eyes, tan skin. I don't sound especially extraordinary, but I look pretty good. I've never really been insecure about my appearance and I was always a pretty popular and well-liked kid in school. Me and Token were on the football team, so we had to stay in shape. The fate of the games depended on it.

I dig my keys out of my pocket as I leave the building and in the parking lot, I spot Craig. I hold up a hand as I approach him.

"Good work out?" he asks me.

"Yeah," I say before flexing.

Craig feels my arms. "Ooh, what big muscles you have," he simpers in a voice as sickly sweet as rotting fruit.

I chuckle and nod for him to follow me to my car. "You should start coming with me," I tell him.

He wrinkles his nose at the mere suggestion of it. "I prefer to do my exercise alone. I don't like the thought of people seeing me all sweaty."

"You work out?" I ask. I've never seen him do it. I've never heard him talk about it, either. In fact, in gym class he would either skip or say he felt sick.

"Not extensively," he says, "but enough to stay fit. Enough to ensure I don't gain weight or start panting after walking up a flight of stairs."

"Fair 'nuff," I say. "What do you do?" He just shrugs, like it's a secret he doesn't want to talk about. "C'mon," I urge.

"Yoga," he says. "I do yoga."

"Wow," I say. "So that's how you maintain that tight little bod? Very cool. You must be pretty flexible, huh?"

He elbows me in the side, stifling a laugh and calling me, "Dumbass."

I just snicker. We get into my car and I fiddle with the radio before pulling out of the parking lot. "Where to?" I ask.

Craig yawns and shrugs, staring out the window. "Don't care."

"Your place? My place? Somewhere else?"

"Don't care," he repeats himself.

I let out a sigh and we drive straight to my house. Inside, I make myself a protein shake while Craig watches. He hasn't given me any more "friendship" kisses since the first time. I didn't really expect him to. His lips felt nice against mine. I won't soon forget it. It just made me want him even more, which kind of sucks.

"So, how're you?" I ask.

"Fine," he answers, dull as ever.

"I see Kenny at the gym sometimes," I decide to admit. "He runs."

"I know," Craig murmurs. "He has a lot of energy. He always needs to be moving and doing something. When he's not, he gets restless and antsy."

"You're the opposite of that," I point out.

He laughs mirthlessly. "Yeah, I know. It's weird we lasted as long as we did."

"Do you still love him?" I wonder.

Craig looks contemplative for a moment. "I don't know," he admits. "I want to say I don't, but we were together for so fucking long. I still see him around sometimes, but he never talks to me… It's probably a good thing."

"Hm," I muse.

I remember when Craig first told me he was seeing someone. That's also when I found out he was gay. I felt a mix of emotions that day. By then, my weird crush on him was already at full strength. I was jealous of Kenny and angry at Craig for not telling me sooner. We were fourteen, but Kenny and Craig were dancing around each other for much longer than that. I shouldn't have been surprised that they started to date. "I'm not a virgin anymore," he said the following month. Fuck, I was so jealous all I saw was red. I hated Kenny so much. I didn't expect Craig to spread his legs that soon… but Kenny is charming. He's a smooth talker and knew exactly what to say to make Craig fall to his knees, ready to suck dick.

"What are you thinking?" Craig asks me after a few minutes of silence.

_Perverse things about you. _

I just smile and shake my head. "Nothing in particular."

When I finish my shake, we go upstairs into my room. My room is a lot less plain than Craig's. It's also a lot messier. I have a desk in the far left corner and my bed is in the far right. I have red drapes and red sheets. All my clothes are kept in my closet and there's a TV facing my bed. There is a calendar on my wall and a bunch of posters of my favorite football players.

We decide to watch Netflix. I put on a stupid movie and we chill in my bed. The entire time, he's watching the screen and I'm watching him.

* * *

><p><strong>September. <strong>

Summer is ending and soon enough the snow will be back.

I don't work today. I'm on my way to pick up Craig from the pet store when I see something unsettling. Usually he's standing outside waiting for me, but today is different. Today, Kenny is standing with him and they look like they're in the middle of a pretty heated argument. Craig looks hazy, like he's gonna start bawling any second and Kenny just looks pissed off. I pull up in front of them and roll down the window. "Get in, Craig," I demand sternly.

He gives me a wide-eyed look, like a deer caught in the headlights. After a split second, he moves away from Kenny and gets in the passenger seat of my car.

"What the fuck was that?" I ask as we drive away.

"Nothing," Craig murmurs.

"Has he been harassing you like this a lot?" I pry further.

"No," Craig insists, but I have a feeling he's not telling the truth.

"Craig –" I try to reason.

"No," he cuts me off. His voice is high-pitched and wet at the same time. "I can't talk about it – about _him_, so stop asking!"

"Fine," I whisper.

None of this is normal. He should be able to cope and move on. It's been months since they broke up. Craig shouldn't still be upset about it.

The rest of the ride is silent. He doesn't even bother looking at me. Even when I pull into his driveway, he won't spare me a glance. He gets out of the car, slams the door and stomps inside. I don't hesitate to follow. As we're taking off our shoes and coats, Craig's sister appears from the kitchen.

"Craig?" she asks.

"Shut up," he snaps at her before running upstairs.

"What the fuck was that?" Ruby turns to me, raising an eyebrow and demanding answers.

"He saw his ex today," I say to her.

She winces and nods, understanding. "He should avoid Kenny. As much as I love Karen, her brother is an ass. Kenny and Craig are both manipulative… but aside from that Craig is also easily manipulated. They're toxic for each other."

"I know," I whisper before following Craig upstairs and into his room.

He's sitting in the center of his bed with a hand over his face. Here come the water works.

"Hey," I murmur.

He raises his head, wiping his eyes. "Why am I like this?" he asks weakly.

"Like what?" I ask, sounding hoarse.

He sniffles and sighs. "He won't leave me alone and it's making everything harder. I'm trying to forget him but he won't let me. He doesn't even want me anymore, so I don't get why he won't _stop_."

"He likes games," I say bitterly. "That's what he sees you as and that's why he's always playing you. You're like… his favorite toy."

"Do I make it easy?" Craig wonders angrily.

"I don't know," I admit, closing the door and sitting down next to him. I stare at him and he softens. I wouldn't call it gentle, but more subdued. I want to tell him he doesn't make it easy. I want to tell him that Kenny is the kind of guy who latches onto people and doesn't let them go… but maybe that's Craig. Maybe Craig is the one who has a hard time letting go.

"Want to watch a movie?" I offer out of the blue.

"Don't wanna go downstairs," he murmurs.

"We can watch something on your laptop," I say.

"It's dead," he explains.

"Well, get the charger and plug it in," I say, standing up and reaching for the drawer of his nightstand.

"Don't –" he tries, but it's too late. The drawer is open and I see what's inside. A dildo, plain and pink and shaped like a dick. I'd pay a thousand bucks to see him use it.

But of course, I don't say that. Instead, I turn around and give Craig a sheepish smile. "Oops."

He just turns red. I don't know if he's angry or just embarrassed… Probably both. "Clyde!" he snaps, shoving me out of the way and closing the drawer.

"C'mon, no need to be embarrassed," I tell him. "Everyone jacks off."

He just sneers. "I don't fucking care. It's embarrassing."

"No, it's not," I insist. "It's healthy."

He huffs, flopping back onto his bed. "I have a lot of shame," he says offhandedly. "I don't know why."

"You're introverted and modest," I say. "That's fine. You're allowed to keep things to yourself."

"I feel like it would be easier if I was attracted to people more like myself," he murmurs, "but I never am. Maybe that means I don't think highly of myself. I'm always reaching for things that are so much different."

I frown at that. "Do you like yourself?" I ask, staring at him where he lies.

"I don't know," he admits quietly. "Sometimes I feel pretty neutral… and other times I get so fucking frustrated with myself. I wish I was different."

"You shouldn't wish that…" I try to reason. I'm bad at this kind of stuff. I wish I knew what to tell him, but I rarely do.

He smiles faintly. "It's fine," he decides. "I'm fine."

Ha. What a load of shit.

* * *

><p><strong>October. <strong>

Around Halloween, I drag Craig to a party in Boulder. He is stubborn, but he eventually relents. I want him to dress up, but he refuses. Oh, well. I go as Superman.

"You came!" Bebe exclaims when she spots us in the crowd. She's dressed up as Wonder Woman.

"This guy didn't want to," I say, jabbing a thumb at Craig, "but I convinced him."

"Good," she says with a chuckle. "Cute costume, by the way."

"You, too," I wink at her and Craig rolls his eyes at the both of us.

Bebe waves for us to follow her and she starts mixing us drinks in the kitchen of the share house. "Look," she starts in a more serious tone. "Since Kyle, Stan and Eric also go here… Kenny might be around."

I wince, glancing at Craig. He remains expressionless, reaching forward and taking the drink Bebe hands him. He takes a slow sip at first before downing it.

"Woah, there!" Bebe exclaims with a laugh.

"Make it stronger," Craig demands.

Bebe glances at me somewhat nervously. "Er," she pauses.

"Don't fucking do that," Craig seethes. "Don't fucking look at Clyde like you're asking his fucking permission. That's fucking stupid. Clyde isn't my fucking mother."

She looks taken aback by his anger. She simply nods and does what he asks her to do.

"Craig, don't be a dick," I warn him.

"Suck my ass," he says lazily.

"I'd _love_ to," I respond crudely.

With his second drink in hand, Craig turns around and ditches me and Bebe. I let out a long sigh and say, "He'll be a treat to deal with tonight."

"Why is he acting like a brat?" she asks. "Is he still upset about his breakup with Kenny? That was months ago…"

"Yeah," I mumble. "I don't know what's going on. Kenny won't seem to leave him alone."

Bebe rolls his eyes. "Yeah, Kenny is good like that. I wouldn't say he's a bad person… but he can be a real jackass. He grew up watching his parents treat each other like shit and he probably thinks it's normal."

Lovely.

I hang around Bebe for most of the night, making sure I don't get drunk since I still have to drive back to South Park.

As the night progresses, Craig is nowhere in sight. I try calling him a few times, but he doesn't answer and it starts to worry me.

When I'm about to blow a gasket, I see Stan Marsh approaching me. "What?" I snap.

"Chill, dude," he says, holding up his hands. "I just thought I'd let you know your friend is in the basement freaking the fuck out."

"Where?" I demand.

He nods, gesturing for me to follow him as he leads me to the basement door. "Kenny is down there with him. He's like… I dunno…"

I shove past Stan and make my way into the basement. When I see Craig, he's sitting on the sofa, hunched over with his face pressed into his knees. Kenny is above him talking, but I can't hear what he's saying. Kyle is nearby and so are a group of other random kids. They're all watching like vultures, acting as if Craig is a fucking spectacle.

"Move," I say, pushing Kenny out of my way. I kneel in front of Craig and say, "Hey… It's me. Want to leave?" I put a hand on his head and he lifts his head. Thank Christ he isn't crying.

He stands up and almost immediately stumbles, making me wonder how much he had to drink after ditching me. I offer him my arm to steady himself and I help him up the stairs. We bid Bebe a goodbye and I promise I'll text her soon.

"I hope Craig feels better," she says sadly. If he were remotely aware, he'd probably scold her for being piteous but the words go right over his head.

"Me, too," I murmur.

When we're making out way outside, I hear –

"Hey!"

With a sigh, I turn around and see Kenny approaching. "Dude, _not_ now," I tell him.

"What the fuck is up with Craig?" he asks me.

"M'fiiiine," Craig slurs, pushing me away. His voice is high pitched and whiny. Clearly he's drunk as fuck.

"Liar," Kenny says, reaching a hand forward only to have Craig slap it away. That, however, doesn't sway Kenny. He does it again and when Craig tries to smack him away this time Kenny grabs his wrists.

"Stop…!" Craig moans, staring at the ground.

"Dude, just leave him alone," I try to urge Kenny to fuck off, but he doesn't listen. He continues staring at Craig, refusing to let him go.

"Craig!" Kenny shouts his name, shaking him and trying to get him to respond. Craig starts trembling visibly as Kenny's voice grows louder. I can tell it isn't a good sign. He's going to sink into himself and completely shut down if Kenny keeps it up. "Why are you so fucking afraid of me all of the sudden?" Kenny demands in a growl.

Craig takes in a sharp breath and when I think he's going to raise his head and start screaming… he starts crying instead. It's loud and messy and he falls limp in Kenny's hold, sinking to the pavement. Kenny lets go of him and simply stares down, at a loss.

Craig sobs openly and I can tell the drive home is going to be torturously long and painful.

"Kenny, go back inside," I murmur.

"Uh," he pauses. "Want me to fetch Bebe?"

"No, it's okay," I say.

"All right," he mumbles before turning away.

When he's gone, I kneel with Craig and put an arm around him, letting him lean into me. "Christ, dude, you're a mess," I say.

"I _know_ that," he sobs.

"What did he _do_ to you?" I ask, worried something bad might've happened when I was with Bebe.

"Nothing…" Craig whines at me. "He didn't do anything! He's being nice… He was being nice and it made me depressed… because it made me miss him even more."

I let out a soft sigh. "I think you both need closure. Maybe this is why he's lingering and you're dwelling."

I drag him to his feet and then practically carry him to my car, putting him in the back seat and letting him lie down. I hope he doesn't puke… but I can live with it if he does.

Before we head out, I put some chill tunes on.

I said it once and I'll say it again: Craig is high maintenance. I feel bad for him. I don't know why he is the way he is. He doesn't know, either. I guess it could be a number of different reasons or maybe there isn't a reason at all. According to Laura and Thomas, Craig was always pretty independent and closed off. I guess he feels like trusting people never got him anywhere. I blame Stan's crew for that. They used to have lots of fun manipulating Craig and stealing his money when we were kids. They're a bunch of assholes. They haven't changed much. They're still getting into trouble. I'm glad Craig doesn't associate with them.

Nearly two hours later, I'm pulling into my driveway. I park and say Craig's name, but he doesn't answer. He's asleep. I pick him up and try not to wake him, but no luck. He moans my name and tells me to stop. I ignore him.

I bring him inside and upstairs. It doesn't matter if he causes a scene, my dad won't care. I could bring a hooker home and he still wouldn't bat an eye.

I'm about to dump him into my bed when he wakes up and mumbles, "I feel sick…"

So, we turn into the bathroom and he slumps onto the floor and promptly vomits on himself. "Aw, fuck, dude…" I say, wincing. "How did you manage to miss the toilet? It's literally right in front of you…"

"Shut up," he groans, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

I reach for his sweater and say, "Raise your arms." He does so and I pull it up over his head. I toss it into the laundry hamper and say, "I'll wash it for you tomorrow." Pause. "Want me to get you some water?"

"No," he slurs. "I wanna shower. I feel gross…"

"All right…" I say. I grab him a towel from the linen closet and then close the door as I leave. A split second later, I hear the taps turn on. I go downstairs and get him a glass of water anyway, taking it to my room and putting it on the nightstand. I change into pajamas and then grab Craig a change of clothes. They'll be too big for him, but whatever.

After fifteen minutes, I go back into the hallway and open the bathroom door just a crack. I can see Craig's slender body moving from behind the transparent shower curtain. "Dude," I call. "I'm leaving you clothes."

He turns to me and calls back, "Go away, I'm naked!"

Modest as ever. I set the clothes on the counter and go back into my room. I grab my phone and decide to finally shoot Bebe a text –

_ME: Hey, sorry we couldn't hang out more tonight. _

She responds a mere minute later.

_BEBE: That's okay! Craig's well-being is most important. Is he okay?_

_ME: He's in the shower right now. He cried and passed out for the ride home. He puked on himself when he woke up though. _

_BEBE: Sounds like he had a rough night. Kenny feels bad._

_ME: Good…_

_BEBE: Haha! What did he do?_

_ME: According to Craig, he was just being nice. _

_BEBE: Ah. Now Craig probably feels even more conflicted. _

_ME: Yeah, I think so. _

_BEBE: Take care of him, okay?_

_ME: That's the plan._

_BEBE: All right, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight!_

_ME: Night. _

After a while, Craig finally enters my room. He's dressed in my pajamas I like seeing him in my clothes, even though he's swimming in them. He looks ridiculously cute.

"Sorry," he mutters, sounding like he's sobered up a bit. Probably thanks to all the vomiting he did. His arms are crossed. He looks stiff and rigid and uncomfortable.

"It's fine," I promise him.

"No," he counters, insisting otherwise. "I was really gross all night."

"Well, you didn't gross me out," I tell him, patting the space next to me. "Just turn off the light and get in bed. There's a class of water on the nightstand you should sip on for a few minutes."

"Hm," he grunts. A second later, the lights flick off and I feel the bed indent as he gets in.


	2. Part two

**South Park © Matt & Trey.**

**Thanks to those who reviewed and followed and favorited! **

* * *

><p><strong>November.<strong>

Early in the month, I call Craig to my house and then invite Kenny over. It might seem like a stupid plan, but I don't know what else to do. I think this might be the only way the two of them will be able to stop whatever it is that's going on between them.

Me and Craig hang around the main floor until the doorbell rings. I let Kenny in and Craig immediately begins to fall apart. Definitely not a good sign. "Why is _he_ here?" Craig demands, pointing at his ex.

Kenny holds up his hands and says, "Look, I'm not here to start shit. I just want to talk to you. I think we both need it… Closure, y'know?"

Craig is flushed. He's probably angry because of it. I bet I'll get a mouthful from him once Kenny leaves.

"Come on," I say, "just… talk. Craig, tell him how you're feeling and vice versa."

Craig crosses his arms and mutters, "Fine." He nods for Kenny to follow him into the kitchen while I stay seated in the living room. I hear quiet murmurs at first, but I try to listen hard. I'm a nosy cow and I want to know what they're saying. I move to the sofa closer to the kitchen and keep my ears open.

"You were my first _everything_," I hear Craig confess. "You were the first person I went on a date with, you were my first boyfriend, my first serious relationship, my first kiss, my first fuck… You took it all."

"I know," Kenny responds easily.

"Maybe it didn't mean much to you," Craig continues, sounding meek and small. "I know I wasn't any of that for you. You've been with a lot of people."

"It meant something," Kenny murmurs, but he doesn't say _what_ it meant.

Craig lets out a bitter laugh. "Somehow I doubt it," he says. "You lie a lot. You lie about everything. It comes so easy to you. Sometimes I feel like all you did was lie to me."

"Look," Kenny sighs, "I'm trying to work on myself… to be better, more patient, more… I dunno, fuck…" A pause. "You taught me a lot. There's some honesty. It might not be what you want to hear, but it's true. You taught me a lot."

"So, I was a lesson?" Craig asks him calmly.

"I guess, in a way, you were," Kenny answers. "I don't think it's a bad thing. You taught me to be a better person… Well, at least a little bit better than I was when we first started to date."

"Why won't you fuck off?" Craig bites out. "I'm trying to move on, but you're making it impossible."

There's a long silence before Kenny admits, "I guess I'm possessive. I wanted to see if you had anyone new who would take my place."

"I'm not like you," Craig murmurs. "I can't find someone to fuck as soon as I get out of a relationship. I don't fuck freely like you."

"I know," Kenny admits.

"Why'd you have to go after Rebecca?" Craig asks somewhat desperately. "She was one of my best fucking friends and you fucked that up…"

"She fucked it up, too," Kenny mumbles. "It wasn't just me…"

"Did you even like her?" Craig asks. "Or did you just want a change of scenery?"

"I don't even know…" Kenny admits. He pauses and the next words to leave his mouth are potentially fatal: "What would you do if I said I wanted you back?"

Ah, fuck. There it is. Kenny is going to try and reel him back in again and the cycle will continue. God damn it… I want to go in there and punch Kenny in the face, but I force myself to stay still. This is none of my business. It's between Kenny and Craig. If Craig wants to be with Kenny, there's really nothing I can do but try to support him. I feel like as long as he is happy, I'll be happy… but he's never truly happy when he's with Kenny. It's just a toxic cycle of complete shit.

It's silent again. "I feel like…" Craig starts, only to pause a second later. "I feel like if you said that a few months ago I would have fallen on the floor with my legs open, but… if you say that now… I'd say no. I'll admit I still want to be with you, but I'd never let myself go like that again."

"Hm," Kenny muses. "You're different."

I let out a deep breath. Thank God. I stand up and wander upstairs, giving them privacy. I go into my room and play around on my phone, trying to distract myself.

I think it means something that Craig is going against what he wants and doing what is best for his well-being. I think Kenny helped to mute Craig's self-esteem, whether or not it was on purpose.

Eventually, I hear the front door shut. The sound is followed by footsteps nearing my room. A moment later, Craig is hovering.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," he echoes. "Kenny left."

"How do you feel?" I ask him. "Better?"

"I don't know," he admits. "Better, somehow… and also worse."

"That's understandable," I assure him.

"I'm not going to cry," Craig decides. "He's not worth it."

"Yeah," I say, standing up and shoving my phone in my pocket. "Want to go get some fresh air?"

He nods and we make our way to Harbucks to get warm drinks. The air is crisp and there are light snowflakes falling. When we enter the café, we see Tweek behind the register and he waves at us when he spots us approaching.

"Long time no see," I say with a grin.

"Likewise," he responds with a lopsided smile.

I order a cappuccino and I get Craig plain green tea. We chat mildly with Tweek as he makes our drinks, telling him about what's been going on around town. Tweek likes to stay detached and not experience most things for himself. However, he never minds hearing about it.

With our drinks, me and Craig sit at the back of the café in the corner near a window.

"Everyone will be returning back to South Park for winter break," I say offhandedly.

Craig nods, smiling faintly. "Think they missed us?"

"Of course!" I insist.

* * *

><p><strong>December.<strong>

Christmas came and went. Since my dad hates me, I spent the holiday at Craig's house. I got his parents a set of wine glasses. I got Ruby a gift card for the mall since I have no idea what to buy a fourteen year old girl. I got Craig the entire works of Mark Twain – his favorite author. Everyone just got Craig books. He's kind of hard to shop for, but he likes to read. Apart from that, Thomas got Craig a can of pepper spray. Again. Ever since Craig came out, his dad has been wary of every new guy that steps near his son. "Men are dangerous and they only want one thing." I'm sure he'll start buying Ruby cans of pepper spray when she starts dating, too.

Craig bought his parents an expensive wine to go with the glasses I got them. It was funny going Christmas shopping with him. He got frustrated trying to figure out what to get everyone. He ended up letting me pick my own present. So, I got a wool cardigan. It's pretty comfy. I'm not really one to shop for clothes, so it was nice. Usually Bebe takes me shopping and helps me out since I'm basically remedial when it comes to style.

It's Boxing Day now and I'm still loitering at the Tucker residence. They never seem to mind. Token, Nichole and Bebe are going to be coming over in a bit to do a belated gift exchange. Me and Craig are still in our pajamas, but we probably won't be changing out of them any time soon.

"Man, I gotta go to the gym," I say, patting my stomach. "I haven't worked out all week."

"You look fine," Craig insists with a mocking smile. "Your muscles won't deflate in that short of time."

I just chuckle. "Yeah, yeah."

Soon enough, the doorbell rings. Craig stands up and goes to answer it. He returns with Bebe, Token and Nichole behind him.

"Hey, nerds," I greet them.

"Present time!" Bebe says, skipping into the room and hopping onto Craig's bed. "Me, Token and Nichole already exchanged presents earlier, but we got stuff for you guys."

"Likewise," I tell her.

We all sit in a circle on Craig's bed – though it's a tight squeeze with five people.

"I'm first," Bebe declares, digging wrapped gifts out of her massive purse. "Okay, here!" she says, handing one to me and one to Craig. She lets out a devious laugh, causing Craig to narrow his eyes at her.

"What the fuck is in here?" he asks, holding up the present. It's wrapped neatly with ribbon and a bow.

"You'll see," she sings.

Craig grimaces before slowing tearing the wrapping paper. He turns away as he opens it, shielding the gift from everyone's eyes. A split second later he turns back around and gives Bebe the meanest look ever. "Bebe!" he barks.

"She bought me one, too, Craig," Nichole says. "Don't feel bad."

"What is it?" I ask.

Craig puts a hand over his face and hands the half-opened present to me. Ah. It's a vibrator. I open it the rest of the way and then hand it back to Craig, stifling a laugh.

"If it's any consolation, she got me one, too," Token adds, patting Craig on the back.

I squint at Bebe. "Then… what did you get me…?"

"Open up and see," she winks.

So, I do and as it turns out, she got everyone vibrators for Christmas.

"Why the hell is mine so much bigger?" Craig asks, snatching the box out of my hands and comparing it with his.

"Because your ass can probably handle it," Bebe says lewdly. "Clyde could barely take a finger from me."

I pale considerably. "Bebe…" I whine. "Don't tell people that…"

She smiles sweetly. "Sorry, hun."

"Anyway!" I declare, clapping my hands together. "Moving on!"

"Yes," Craig agrees tartly.

Next, we open presents from Nichole and Token. Suffice to say, they're a lot less _exciting_ than Bebe's presents were. Soaps, shampoos, scented candles. You can definitely tell Nichole picked the stuff out.

Then it's my turn. I got Bebe every season of _Teen Wolf_ on DVD since they were cheap, I got Nichole Louisa May Alcott's _Little Women _novel series and I got Token the latest season of _Game of Thrones_. Everyone seems pretty pleased.

When it's Craig's turn, he admits, "I didn't know what to get anyone."

"It's the thought that counts," Bebe says with a smile.

"The thought, huh?" he mutters. "I wonder what you were thinking when you bought everyone fucking vibrators…"

She smiles lewdly and simply shrugs her shoulders.

Craig bought everyone educational literature. For Bebe, he bought a book called _Cunt_. I think that's hilarious. I was with Craig when he made the purchase and he insisted firmly that the book was probably nothing what I thought it would be like. For Nichole, he bought a book called _Manifesta_ and for Token he bought a book called _The Lucifer Effect_. They all get chatty about their smart-people books and I just sit here listening like a dunce. School wise, I'm not particularly smart. Token and Nichole are geniuses. Bebe and Craig are smart, too, though neither of them did particularly well in school. They were just lazy. I think the only reason Bebe is in university is because her parents urged her to go. I half expect her to drop out in her second year, but hopefully she follows through with it.

Soon, the conversation shifts. We spend the rest of the night lazing around, talking about the old days and catching up.

* * *

><p><strong>January.<strong>

It's the first. Last night we rang in the New Year together with a bottle of rum. It was just us alone in his house. His parents were at some party at the Marsh residence while most of the kids in town went to Token's house. I knew Craig wouldn't be up for a party, so we stayed in. We watched the count down on the television and when it got to the last seconds, Craig turned around and kissed me again. This time, however, it was different. Instead of pulling away after a split second, he stayed still. I kissed him back and his lips parted immediately. My fuckin' dreams came true. I got to tongue Craig Tucker. I just smiled and neither of us mentioned it once it was over, but it's probably my fondest memory at this point. I want to know what it means, but I lack the courage to ask him.

"I turn nineteen at the end of the month," Craig murmurs offhandedly as we walk around town. It's snowing again and it's dark, though it's still pretty early. We were both too hung over to move earlier.

"Yeah, I know," I say. "On the twenty-fifth. So, what do you want to do for it? Anything special?"

"No," he says. "Just take the day off and we'll hang out."

* * *

><p><strong>February.<strong>

Craig's birthday came and went without a hitch. We ended up getting drunk again and he cried about getting older and then he passed out. I spent the day nursing his hangover. I kind of revelled in the fact that he allowed me to take care of him.

He's been kissing me a lot. I still don't know why. It never goes any further than our mouths. No touching apart from lips. I feel like if I tried, he'd just smack my hands away. He needs to be the one to initiate it. I guess I'm fine with that, but I don't want to be his distraction. I want it to _mean_ something.

I'm just glad Kenny is out of the picture and Craig seems to be coping better. Perhaps closure really is what he needed. He needed to tell Kenny what he was feeling and he needed to say it was over. After that, Kenny stopped hovering.

I finally tried out the vibrator Bebe got me. It felt good. _Really_ good. I told Bebe that and she seemed pleased with herself. I can't help but wonder if Craig used his yet. I said it once and I'll say it again – I'd pay to see him fuck himself. Thinking about it makes my dick twitch… So, I try not to think about it. I don't want to jack off to the thought of Craig. I feel like that would be a total betrayal of his trust.

Usually I can distract myself when my mind starts reeling, but right now I'm sitting alone in my room. There isn't much to do, so I grab my laptop and start looking at porn. I watch strictly vanilla sex. I hate seeing girls gagged, choking and crying. It just upsets me because I can't reach into the screen and put a stop to it.

I click a video of the first cute girl I see and start whackin'. When I finish, I feel cheap and deflated. I fucking hate porn.

I clean off and then make myself a sandwich for supper. Afterward, I watch television for an hour and then I decide to just go to bed because I'm horny again.

* * *

><p><strong>March.<strong>

Me and Craig are sitting on my bed watching _Futurama_ on Netflix. He looks bored, but he won't tell me what he wants to do no matter how many times I ask.

"Dude," I say. "If you're not into this, we can do something else."

"It's fine," he responds carelessly.

"If you say so," I mutter, lying back against one of my pillows. He stares down at me with a blank expression on his face. "What?" I ask, looking up at him. He doesn't say anything. He moves closer so his face is a mere inch away from mine. Then he closes the gap. "Craig…" I murmur. "Why do you keep doing that?" Instead of responding, he leans down and does it again. He drapes himself on top of me and parts his lips, letting my tongue explore every inch of his mouth.

I let my hands move up his back beneath his shirt before travelling down south. I slip past the waistband of his sweatpants, realizing he isn't wearing underwear. I cup his ass, squeezing and a split second later, he draws back and stares down at me. When I think he's about to tell me to back off, he says something else entirely. "Hey…" he murmurs. "Wanna have sex with me?"

"What?" I croak, nearly choking on my own saliva. "_Why_?"

"Sometimes I just miss it," he admits. "Kissing someone I care about… and sex. I never thought I'd miss that, but I do. To be close to someone… It can be scary, but it can also be nice."

"Yeah," I say softly. I understand what he means by that… but I don't want to scare him.

He gets out of bed and stands up, reaching for the rim of his t-shirt before pulling it over his head. Next, he reaches for his sweatpants, pushing them down past his hips. More and more milk-white skin is revealed and I can feel myself growing aroused. "Craig…" I murmur his name, feeling worried and excited at the same time.

"Sh," he hushes me. "If you ask me if I'm _sure_… I'm going to wring your neck. I'm not made of glass, you know."

"But –" I start, only to be cut off.

"I trust you," he says with finality. "Now get undressed."

I nod absently before shrugging out of my clothes and discarding them in a pile on the floor. I sit back down, leaning against the headboard of the bed.

Craig moves closer, his body shifting on top of mine as he settles on my lap. To have him this close… Well, it's like heaven. I stare at him – all of him. It's intimate. It's far more intimate than anything I've experienced, even with past girlfriends. I feel like he's allowing me to look at him – really look at him for the first time. He's giving me permission. I reach my hands up and touch his face, rimming my thumbs across his closed eyelids, cheekbones, lips, chin, jaw… I touch his shoulders and collar bones before moving my palms down the flat plane of his smooth stomach. He feels nice. Warm. Soft. I stare down at his legs, his bent knees. I see faint scars on his thighs – straight lines of raised, pale skin. I ghost my fingers across them. They make me feel incredibly sad for him, but I don't mention it. Nonetheless, he knows exactly what's going through my head.

"Don't worry about that," he says. "They're old."

"Oh," I whisper hoarsely.

"Keep touching me," he murmurs. "Your hands feel nice."

I press my mouth into the crook of his neck and continue to touch every inch of his skin. He could have any guy he wants. I hope it means something that he asked me. I want it to mean something…

"Do you have anything to… you know…?" he asks vaguely.

"Mhm," I say, locking an arm around him and reaching into my nightstand to grab a bottle. I open the cap and pour a decent amount into my hand before letting it travel behind Craig. He arches his back, leaning into me and giving me easier access. I rub slow, teasing circles around Craig's entrance, eliciting a whine from him. He wraps his arms around my neck, letting out a shuddery sigh as I slide a finger inside. Then another and another. We kiss sloppily and he moans into my mouth, grinding against me.

I'm praying that I won't wake up from this and realize it was just a dream because I've wanted this to happen for a long, long time.

Soon, his breath hitches and he comes. Music to my ears. It's fuckin' beautiful. For a moment, he's quiet and still. I remove my fingers and wipe them off before rubbing his back for a minute. "Okay?"

"Mm." When he pulls away, he grabs the lube and starts coating my erection.

"Craig," I say his name again, still unsure if he wants to go this far.

"Sh," he hushes me once more, positioning himself before sinking back down. His eyebrows draw together and he lets out a breath, relaxing himself.

My dick is inside Craig Tucker. _Nice_. My wet dreams have been made into reality.

After he's adjusted, he puts his hands on my shoulders to steady himself and starts rolling his hips. There's practised ease in his movements – like he's done it enough times. It feels good. _He_ feels good.

Craig lets out deep, sobbing breaths as he rhythmically impales himself. I watch him with a perverse awe, trying not to jizz on the spot.

He comes again and I follow as he rides me throughout his second orgasm. He doesn't make me pull out.

When it's over, he gingerly lifts himself off of me. I feel sticky, but not unpleasantly so. I'll have to wash the sheets later. He lies down, staring up at the ceiling. I do the same and a second later, he shifts closer, moving so half of his body is on top of mine. He presses his face into my chest, remaining quiet.

And so we lay here side by side both radiating post-sexual warmth.

After a minute, I feel something wet on my leg – which I assume is the spooge I left in his ass – and then I feel something wet on my chest. "Craig, are you crying?" I ask.

"No," he insists flatly.

"Then look at me," I say.

"No," he repeats himself.

* * *

><p><strong>April.<strong>

Craig _was_ crying. He went home after that and refused to talk about it once it was over. I've asked him about fifty times, but he continues to avoid the subject with a surprising amount of strategic dexterity. It's beginning to frustrate me. I don't know what else to do.

After his shift at the pet store, I decide to pick him up. He gets in the car without protesting.

"So, w'sup?" I ask him.

"Nothing," he responds.

"How was work?"

"It was fine," he says. "We just got puppies… They're going fast. All the little kids come in and want to hold them. I never let them hold the animals. I hold them myself and let the kids pet them."

"Probably smarter," I snort. "I bet all the kids would just drop them."

"Yeah," he mutters. "I've seen that happen a few times. Dumb asses." A pause. "Okay, now that we have the formalities out of the way, what is it you want to talk about?"

"What do you _think_ I want to talk about?" I retort.

He sighs angrily. "Just _drop_ _it_, Clyde."

"No!" I exclaim.

"Why?" he asks, giving me a stiff lip.

"Don't pout," I say, causing him to sneer at me. "Look, we had sex," I state. "Sex! You don't just randomly decide to do something like that with your best friend, dude!"

Craig turns away and knocks his head against the glass of the window. "Shut _up_," he demands pleadingly.

I'm getting so fucking frustrated. He's always up and down. I pull off to the side of the road and park, turning to look at him. "We're going to talk about this and we're going to talk about it _now_!"

"Stop shouting," he murmurs with a wince.

"Come on," I try in a softer tone. "Was I just your distraction?"

"No," he says.

"Then just admit you feel something for me…" I probably sound desperate as hell.

"I don't," he insists wetly.

"Then why did you want to sleep with me?" I ask shakily. "You're not the kind of guy to just do that kind of shit willy-nilly. I _know_ it meant something." I can feel hot, pathetic tears leaking out of my eyes thoroughly against my will, but I can't seem to make them stop. I'm crying because he's crying and now neither of us can seem to fucking stop.

For a minute Craig just presses his lips together, simply staring at me. "I don't want a repeat of what happened with Kenny," he whispers the confession.

"Well, maybe it won't be a repeat," I challenge him. "I'm _not_ like Kenny. Maybe our relationship would be different." I guess now is the time for honesty. Finally. "Craig… I've… I've loved you for a long fucking time… and when I say that, I don't mean platonic love. I'm _in love_ with you."

Craig lets out a sharp sob, like they're words he can't bear to hear. It's like I'm hurting him by saying it, but I don't know why. "Shut _up_!" he shouts. It's probably the first time I've heard him raise his voice and it's unsettling. He clasps his hands over his ears, breathing heavily.

"Fine," I mutter. I sniff loudly and force myself to calm down. I start the car again and drive Craig home, pulling into his driveway. "Bye," I say bitterly.

Craig doesn't get out. Instead, he hunches over. He runs his hands through his hair until it's messy, grabbing handfuls of it. Then he looks at me.

"What?" I ask flatly, trying to hide my frustration.

"Sorry," he mumbles.

"It's fine," I respond in that same, terse tone.

"You're mad…" he points out.

"I'm not mad," I say. "I'm frustrated. I'm confused. I'm disappointed. I'm conflicted."

"I make you feel that way?" he asks slowly.

"Well… yeah," I admit. I won't lie to him.

"Why do you like me?" he murmurs the question.

"I don't like you," I say. "I _love_ you. There are lots of reasons for it. You're my best friend. I think the person you want to be with has to be or become your best friend in a way, y'know?"

"What do you love about me?" he pries further, sounding like he needs the answers.

"Pretty much everything," I tell him. "I love the way you look, the way you talk, the way see the world. When I was a kid I thought this was just how best friends felt for each other and I thought it was a normal platonic feeling… But then we got older and I realized, 'Hey, I want to see Craig naked,' and everything kind of pieced together. I used to be the one that cried a lot and you'd always offer your shoulder. These days, you cry more than me but you hardly ever let me help. It sucks because I'd fucking kill for you, dude. I just… I want you to know that you don't need to hide yourself like that around me. I won't think of you any different. I know you have bad days. It's normal. Even if you have a hundred bad days in a row, I'll still feel the same way. I'll still fucking love you. I'll still want to be with you."

Craig lets out a soft, shuddery breath. He's staring absently into space with half-lidded eyes. "You're too good to me…" he says after a long silence.

"Bullshit," I retort.

He smiles faintly and it's relieving to see. There's nothing cynical or malicious about it. "Want to come in, then?" he offers.

"Yeah, all right," I accept.

So, the two of us go inside.

"Hello?" Craig calls, but there's no answer. "Everyone must be out," he murmurs.

We retreat to his room and sit on his bed. "What now?" I ask.

"I don't know," he admits.

Silence.

A pause.

We both inch forward and it feels like we're preteens playing our first game of spin the bottle. We exchange a few open-mouthed kisses, sloppily making out like we're new at this – though we're both far from it. Sometimes I think it's better when it's a little messy.

Craig lies back, pulling me on top of him. When things start to get heated, a voice interrupts and we hear, "Okay, what the _fuuuuck_…"

We both turn out heads and see Ruby hovering in the doorway. Craig pushes me away fast, kneeing me in the groin in the process and causing me to groan loudly.

"How the fuck did this happen, Craig?" Ruby asks in a demand. She looks humored and giddy. "You guys are together? Since when? This is so fucking weird… Oh, man, I can't wait to tell all my friends. They all think you're a _babe_."

Craig grimaces. "I thought you were out," he admits, not bothering to respond to her questions.

"I was napping," she says, sounding sour. "I woke up to your nasty sounds…"

"We were kissing," Craig states. "He didn't have his dick in my ass."

Ruby grimaces and then makes a gagging sound before turning away. "Barf!" we hear her shout at us as she walks off.

"Sorry about kneeing you," Craig says once she's gone.

"It's fine," I say, even though it still fuckin' hurts. "So, does this mean we're together?"

"How could I say no when you were so eloquent earlier?" He's being cynical again.

"Ass," I mutter.

He smiles again. "I'm kidding," he says. "It was nice to hear someone say something nice about my personality."

"You should be used to it," I mumble. "Didn't your asshole ex ever compliment you?"

Craig wrinkles his nose. "Of course…" he says. "He'd say, 'You suck cock like a pro,' or, 'You really know how to please a guy.' But those were the only compliments Kenny gave. Besides, it was stuff I learned from him. When he first got together I didn't know anything about pleasing a guy."

"Those are shitty compliments," I say. "They don't even mean anything important."

"Yeah," Craig agrees. "He had a foul mouth. I mean, so do I… but at least I wasn't a vile person."

"You're modest," I tell him. "It's not a bad thing." A pause. "So…?"

He smiles again, looking amused. "Aren't you going to ask me out?"

"All right," I chuckle. "Craig, want to go out with me?"

And he says yes.

* * *

><p><strong>May.<strong>

For our first date, we forewent doing the cliché dinner out. I know Craig hates eating out anyway. He hates eating in front of any stranger who might see him. I think it's an anxiety thing. We also forewent the movie theater, because I know Craig hates how loud it gets. He hates loud noises. That's why he hates when people shout. We ended up settling on getting Chinese takeout and watching a movie at my place. We ended up watching _The Crow_ and _Adult World_ on Netflix. Craig fell asleep and missed the end of the last movie, but I filled him in the following morning.

We've been on another date since then and finally told his parents we're together. Thomas looked red in the face, but Laura calmed him down. "This better not be a repeat of the McCormick kid," is all Thomas said. The comment got Craig down a lot, but he bounced back. He always does, though sometimes he has a little trouble.

We haven't slept together since the first time. I want to take things slow with Craig and do it the way he wants to do it. I want this to be real. I want it to last.

Thomas compulsively checks on us when we're alone in his room. He never used to do that, but I guess it's different now that he knows we're together.

Right now, we're sitting in the living room in Craig's house. He's on the floor playing with his sister's cat. There's a small smile on his face as he does so. It makes me smile, too.

"Kenny's name used to be my favorite name," he confesses somewhat offhandedly, "and when he broke up with me, I grew to hate it. Now your name is my favorite… but I know if you ever break up with me I'll grow to hate yours, too."

"Don't think about that," I tell him. I'd like to promise him forever, but I know shit happens. Things change. We might not be together forever, but I'll be at his side as long as he wants me and as long as I can be. Above all else, we're best friends. I hope nothing ever changes that.

"I liked the way Kenny's name felt on my tongue," he continues, turning to look at me. "It was like… love came out with it, I guess. I feel like that when I say your name, too."

"That's sweet," I say sincerely. I like when he gets sentimental. It happens more these days, though it's still rare. Funny, he used to hate sentimentality.

He picks the cat up and sits down next to me, letting the cat chill on his lap for a few minutes until it jumps away.

"So, hey, did you end up using Bebe's Christmas present?" I ask him, stifling what would probably look like a pretty lewd smile. He gives me a dull stare in response. "Come on," I urge, poking him in the side.

"Yes," he says flatly. "I used it forever ago… And, before you ask, _no_ I am not going to describe it to you."

I chuckle, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him onto my knee. "That's fine. As long as you enjoyed it."

"Hm," he muses. "Maybe, if you're good, I'll show you one of these days."

"Yeah?" I ask. "I'd be _very_ into that."

"I know," he says, putting an arm around my neck. He stares at me for a brief moment before leaning down and pecking me on the lips. "Don't disappoint me," he says somewhat warningly.

"I'll try my best not to," I tell him, because it's all I really _can_ promise at this point.

"All right," he relents softly. "That's fair."

We hear the front door swing open a minute later and Craig stands up. I join him and we watch Thomas and Laura step inside.

"Hi, boys," Laura greets us while Thomas just grunts.

"Hi, Mom," Craig responds. "Dad."

I just hold up my hand and wave, wearing what probably looks like a pretty nervous smile. They carry a handful of shopping bags into the kitchen and me and Craig are once again alone.

"Does your dad hate me now?" I ask him. "Does he think I had perverted intentions every time I stepped near you before we got together?"

"No," he murmurs. "He just worries more than my mom does about this stuff. My mom prefers if we're going to have sex, we do it at home where she knows we're safe. My dad would prefer my ass stays virgin… though it's way too late for that and he knows it."

I snicker at that. "Oh."

"He never liked Kenny," Craig continues. "I think it's because he was never fond of Kenny's parents. He never hid his distaste for Kenny whenever he came around and then there'd be times when Kenny got so smug about fucking me under my dad's roof. My mom didn't like him either. She just hid it better. I guess I should've listened and realized my parents were right about him being an asshole."

"It's okay," I tell him. "You were in love, right?"

"And love can make us blind," he murmurs.

"Yeah," I agree quietly. "Craig, why'd you used to hurt yourself?"

He wrinkles his nose at the mention of it before sighing and nodding for me to follow him upstairs. "Come on," he says.

So, we go into his room and he shuts the door.

"I've always been, like, _really_ uncomfortable with myself," he says, crossing his arms. "I don't really know why. It's just something that hasn't ever gone away. Even when I was young, I was really awkward. I didn't like the way I looked. I felt like I was always too much of something." He pauses and wrinkles his nose. "I remember at Thanksgiving one year, my grandparents came down and my grandmother told my mother that me and Ruby were becoming 'so beautiful' and my grandfather cut in and said, 'Yeah, Craig is getting a little too pretty if you ask me.' I wanted to fucking die. I don't know why it embarrassed me so much."

"Yeah, you're pretty," I say, "but it's not a bad thing. Fuck anyone who says it is. Guys can be pretty. Chicks can be handsome."

He smiles faintly, shrugging. "I guess I'm just… used to seeing guys that look like you all over the place. I never see guys that look like me. I was thirteen when I came out. By then, I knew what I wanted. Before, I was just really confused and conflicted. My parents were really supportive. Ruby was fine with it, though she did a bit of teasing. My grandfather claimed he knew the entire time. He was sour about it."

"Didja tell the old fart to can it?" I ask tersely.

Craig lets out a short laugh. "No… I just kind of took it. Anyway, I guess it sounds melodramatic when I say it out loud. I can't really communicate the way it felt. It wasn't an isolated incident. I got a lot of shit for it. I guess that's why I was such a dick when I was younger, always bullying people. I wanted to seem bigger than I felt. I was one of the tallest kids, but everyone quickly started outgrowing me. My outsides matched my insides and I just felt even smaller. I guess I didn't know how to let out all the shit I was feeling so I resorted to hurting myself. Hurt yourself on the outside and it numbs you on the inside."

I frown, feeling really sympathetic. "I wish I knew…"

"Kenny would get so fucking mad," Craig says with a bitter laugh. "He was frustrated, but for all the wrong reasons. It was like… he didn't care that I was upset, he just wanted me to be fine so he wouldn't have to deal with it and so he wouldn't have to see the aftermath of my bad turns. Then he'd be able to fuck me and not have to look at a bunch of scabs or listen to me complain that it stings when he bent my legs at certain angles."

"That's so wrong," I murmur.

"He didn't understand it," Craig reasons lightly.

"No excuse," I say.

"I guess not," he agrees. "Anyway, I'm better now," he adds with finality.

"Are you?" I wonder.

"No," he relents with a snort. "I'm still an insecure mess." I'm surprised he allowed himself to actually admit it out loud. Craig sits down on his bed and I sit down next to him. "I have little confidence," he adds. "That's probably yet another reason I stayed with a guy like Kenny, even though he always made me feel like shit. I guess I got used to it to the point where it was almost familiarly comforting at times. I missed it when it was gone, as sick as it sounds. I don't think he was consciously ever trying to hurt me... It's just something that happened."

"Well, wanna know what I think?" I ask him before answering, "Things like self-confidence and self-esteem and all that… They can be taken back."

"What if I never had them to begin with?" he wonders.

"Then they can be gained," I say.

"Hm," he muses. "Then I guess I have something to work on."

I smile at him and nod. While Craig has things to work on, so do I. I don't want to be naïve when it comes to Craig's feelings. I know I'm not the smartest guy around. I'm a bit simple-minded and oblivious, but I learned a lot about Craig in the past year. There's no going back now.


	3. Epilogue

**South Park © Matt & Trey.**

**And here's the epilogue~ **

* * *

><p>I quit Wal-Mart and I now work in a call center. I'm not sure which is worse, but I get paid better now so I guess it's worth it. Unfortunately, I also get yelled at a lot by angry people and then I spend my breaks crying like a baby to Craig on the phone. Craig still works at the pet store, but he got promoted. He's now manager. Speaking of careers, Bebe ended up finishing her degree in business and now she's back in South Park. She works in a bank now. We still see her often. She got engaged to Kyle last year. They're the first to tie the knot. They'll be getting married in the summer. Token and Nichole are still in school and Tweek is still working for his parents. Not too much has changed in the grand scheme of things. Me and Craig are still together and Kenny is now a thing of the past. Craig doesn't get miserable when he sees his ex and I don't get jealous. I also don't get constipated with emotions because I'm no longer forced to stifle my feelings for him. It's all out in the open now.<p>

I moved out of my dad's home last year. I'm twenty-two now and I feel like I'm starting to make it on my own. It was scary at first, but I think I've got the hang of it.

Craig still lives with his parents. I think, for now, that's where he's most comfortable. Someday, if he's ready, I'll ask him to move in with me. He spends enough nights here, much to his father's chagrin. He has a drawer of things in my bedroom and a drawer of things in my bathroom. He has a key and sometimes I'll find him in my bed or in my kitchen when I get home from work. He'll go through phases where he's really interested in something. Right now, it's cooking. Last month it was sewing. Before that, it was tea. It's nice to see him have a hobby, but he hasn't found one he likes enough to stick with.

The building is old and my apartment is small and modest. There's one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen and a living room. My bed is against the far corner of my bedroom. Next to it is a nightstand and across from it is my dresser. I try to keep my bedroom tidy, but I get kind of lazy. Right now, there are clothes tossed all over the floor. It drives Craig nuts. He usually cleans for me when I'm not around. The kitchen is tiny, big enough for a two-person table but not much more. The living room has a sofa, a TV, a bookshelf and a wall of framed photographs hung up. I think this is where I spend most of my time… unless Craig is over. Then we prefer the bedroom.

I pretty much took all of my belongings when I left home. My dad wasn't really sad to see me go, but I wish he was. It sucks to be so detached from my family. I spent my first night here crying because I felt lonely as it all sunk in. Craig came over and sat with me until I felt better. My family situation is something I've always been sensitive about, but I thought I put it behind me. It wasn't until I finally left that I realized I was still dwelling. It was like… reality hit me once again. Such is life, I suppose.

I haven't seen Craig all week. Our schedules have been pretty shitty. It seems like every time I'm off, he's at work and vice versa. Come night, we're both too tired to leave our beds. We talk on the phone daily and sometimes we video chat, but it's just not the same as having him next to me. Luckily, we both had short shifts today so he'll be coming over around seven and staying the night.

It's six now and I've been trying to tidy the house up – mainly my bedroom. I don't want him to feel like he needs to clean it when he gets here. When everything is in its place, I head into the kitchen and do the rest of the dishes.

Soon enough, the doorbell rings. I dry my hands and go open the door. "Craig," I say his name, allowing him in. "Why don't you ever use the key I gave you?"

"I don't know," he murmurs, stepping inside. "I just feel weird barging in."

"You're my boyfriend, babe," I point out. "I don't mind."

He just shrugs, taking off his coat and boots. "It's snowing hard," he says.

"Yeah, I can tell," I chuckle, reaching forward and ruffling the snowflakes from his hair.

He smiles a small smile before leaning in and pecking me on the lips. "You're getting scruffy," he notes, squishing my cheeks together.

"Want me to shave?" I ask.

"Whatever you like," he responds. "I don't mind it. It suits you."

"All right," I smile. We move down the narrow hallway and I ask, "So, can I get you anything? Hungry? Thirsty?"

"I'm fine," he promises. "I brought wine."

"Oh, awesome," I say, getting wine glasses out of the cupboard. We've got into the habit of drinking wine, another thing Craig has taken an interest in. Craig is a connoisseur compared to me. I just like the cheap stuff that can get you drunk.

We open the bottle and I pour Craig's glass first. "Try to savor, Clyde," he says. "This has a nice flavor."

I give him a humored smile. "I'll _try_," I tell him as I pour myself a glass.

We move into my bedroom and chat mildly. Craig tells me about his day at work and I tell him about mine. Around ten, the power goes out.

"Shit," I say with a little chuckle. I turn my phone's flashlight on and try to find a candle and a lighter. Craig sits on the bed and watches me. "Here we go," I murmur when I find what I'm looking for. "Okay, do you prefer lavender scented or orange scented?"

"Orange," he says. I set the candle on my bureau and light it. It's very dim, but it's enough for me and Craig to make out the faint shapes of one another. After a few minutes, the room smells like mandarin oranges.

Once me and Craig finish a couple glasses of wine, we set the glasses on the nightstand.

"What do you want to do now?" I ask him.

He says, "Let's fuck."

I love it when he's forward. I smirk at him, moving forward and pecking him quick on the lips.

"What, is that all I get?" he asks lightly.

I press my forehead to his, slipping a hand beneath his shirt and feeling up and down his stomach. My mouth finds his once more, lips parting and tongue probing.

"Clothes off," I say once we part. I grab the edge of his shirt and pull it up over his head before reaching for the button of his jeans. He lies back and lifts his hips as I pull them down along with his shorts. I allow my hands to roam. I know this is the part he likes the most – the innocent touching. Sometimes we'll lie together and I'll just rub his back for hours. I think he finds it immensely comforting.

After a few minutes of this, he sits up and reaches for the drawstring of my sweatpants, untying it and pulling them down. As he touches me, I remove my shirt, tossing it behind me. I stare down at him as he works his hands and then I feel his mouth. It feels damn good. I curl my fingers lightly through his hair. Soon, he hollows his cheeks and pulls away with a _pop_ sound. After the loss of contact, I reach into the nightstand and grab lube.

Craig lies down on his back and locks his arms around his knees, pulling them towards his chest. I swear this is the best view in the fucking world. I lube up before plowin' in.

"Mm…" he wines, carelessly tossing his arms above his head.

Craig is loud in bed. I didn't think he was as loud as he is until the guy that lives next door made it obvious when I went down getting my mail. "_Someone scored last night_," he said to me. I just laughed nervously. I guess the walls are thin.

I stare down as he writhes beneath me. Sometimes I think about how lucky I am to be the one he loves. He had trouble saying the words for the first time. It happened when we were twenty. We had been dating for a little less than a year and he finally said it back. It made me feel really fucking special. He hinted at it before then, but he never actually got the words out. No one had said it to me in a long time. It was something I didn't hear very much. Now it's something I hear all the time. It's something I say all the time, too.

I stare down at him, watching his face in the dim lighting. I quicken my pace, eliciting louder moans from him. "Ah… fuck, fuck, _fuck_…!" he sobs frantically. I reach down, wrapping a hand around his erection and jerking him off. His back arches off the mattress and his breath hitches as he gasps, fingers curling into the bed sheets. I bend down and we kiss sloppily as he orgasms, moaning into my mouth.

I like the way he sounds. I like the way he tastes. I like the way he feels. In fact, I love it.

When I feel the familiar warmth spread to my groin, I let out a grunt, pulling out quickly and coming on his stomach. He watches me with a wanton look on his face. I bend down and kiss him again before pressing my face into the crook of his neck. For a few minutes, we just lie on one another, breathing in the scent of each other's sex-soaked skin. We always have very nice, loving sex. I knew right away that kinks were out of the question and to be honest, I prefer it this way. I like making Craig feel comfortable. I like making him feel cared for and I myself don't crave anything else.

Eventually, in mutually silent consent, we both stand up. We clean off lazily, brushing our teeth and washing our faces before heading to bed. I blow out the candle, crawling under the covers with him.

"Goodnight," I say, wrapping my arms around him.

"Goodnight," he echoes, relaxing in my hold.

"I love you," I add.

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Come morning, I wake up before Craig. It's cold as hell, but I try to ignore it. I watch him sleep for a few minutes before getting out of bed. I move towards the window and my jaw literally drops to the floor when I see how much snow is down on the ground. Well, I definitely won't be going to work today. I doubt anyone will. Snow isn't strange in South Park, especially around this time of year… but there hasn't been this much snow in a while.<p>

I smile to myself, getting back into bed with Craig. I guess nature is on our side today.

"Mm…" he lets out a tired moan. "Clyde?"

"Yeah," I say. "Go back to sleep."

"What time is it?" he asks groggily, sitting up.

"It's nine," I tell him. "It's still pretty early."

He sighs. "I have to work at eleven. I should shower."

"Stay in," I request. "You won't be able to make it all that far. The snow is too deep."

His eyebrows draw together and he gets out of bed, moving towards the window and peeking outside. "Oh, wow," he says. "That's quite a lot of snow."

"I know, huh?" I snort.

He turns around, smiling hazily before getting back into bed. He sinks into me and our tired limbs tangle as we fall back asleep.

* * *

><p>The next time I wake up, it's a little chillier. I reach for my cellphone where it sits on my nightstand and see that it reads 12:07 PM. Not bad. I lie here until Craig shifts and wakes.<p>

"Clyde?" he says my name again.

"Mhm," I respond. "It's only noon. We didn't sleep in too late."

"It's cold," he murmurs, inching closer and putting his palm on my chest.

"What do you want to do today?" I ask him. "We're snowed in."

"Whatever," he says. "Let's just do what we did last night. We can finish the bottle of wine and fuck some more."

"I like the sound of that," I tell him.

"What do you like about me?" he asks out of the blue. I know Craig still has some shit he needs to work through. I think that's why he still asks me things like this. It's the lingering self-hatred. It's like he needs to make sure I'm still interested in him. I don't mind reassuring him, but I wish he could ease up on himself a bit. I love him and that's not going to change anytime soon – if ever. I've loved him for most of my life now. Things have only gotten better since the first time I've said it. He's more open to me these days. If I ask, he'll easily tell me what's wrong and what's right and how he feels.

"Everything," I say simply, because it's the truth. I accept him and his entirety – flaws and all. I think that's what love is. You don't push people to change for you.

"That's the easy answer," he murmurs.

"Okay," I start. "I like your personality. We're really different, but I think we complement each other. I like your voice. It's really deep and soothing. I like listening to you talk, especially when it's something you're passionate about. It's like… you light up. It's nice to see. I like the way you taste. I like the way you look. You have a pretty face, cute stomach, cute ass, cute dick –"

"Cute _dick_?" he cuts me off. "That's a fucking oxymoron."

I chuckle at that. "You look good when you smile and laugh. I like your dimples. I'm glad you smile more these days and you seem to do it effortlessly."

"Hm," he agrees faintly. "There was a lot keeping me down, I suppose. It got easier once I let it all go."

"Yeah," I say softly.

Every time he asks me questions like this, I can feel myself coming up with new answers and new reasons for loving him. They always come out so effortlessly – like they are infinite.

He shifts away, stretching his limbs before rolling over. He turns to his side and I press myself against his back, kissing his shoulder. I reach a hand and rub my palm down his chest, stomach and grab his balls. His breath hitches and he sighs.

"Good?" I ask.

"Mm…" he moans quietly. "Fuck me," he murmurs, arching his backside against my half-erect dick.

"All in due time," I say.

"Tease," he mutters, reaching for the bottle of lube and handing it to me before lying back down.

I let out a throaty laugh in response, nonetheless obeying his silent command. I grab his ass and position myself against his backside before pushing forward. It's lazy afternoon sex.

* * *

><p>When we finally get out of bed, I try to turn on the lights but no luck. "The power is still out," I say, shivering. Too bad this crusty-ass building doesn't have a god damn generator.<p>

I grab a blanket from my closet and wrap it around myself. We're still messy from earlier, but that's fine. I'm not one for cold showers and if the electricity is out that's the only option there would be.

"The entire town is probably shut down," Craig adds.

"Probably," I agree. "I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts. The snow will be gone soon enough."

"The plows will be here at some point," Craig says. He stands up and moves towards the window, wrapping his arms around himself. "It's still snowing… but just flurries."

"It won't amount to much more," I say with a shrug. I move towards where Craig is standing and hug him from behind, resting my chin on top of his head and wrapping the blanket around the both of us.

"I love you," he says offhandedly. "Like, a lot…"

"Good, 'cause I love you, too."

"Sometimes I worry you'll remember you don't like men," he continues. "Then you'll drop me and run back to one of your ex girlfriends or something."

"We've been together for nearly three years," I gently remind him. "Nothing like that is gonna happen."

He turns around in my hold and wraps his arms around my midsection, pressing his forehead against my chest. We stay like this for a few minutes until he draws away and grabs the comforter off my bed before leaving the room. I follow him into the hallway and into the kitchen.

"Hungry?" I ask him.

"What can we eat?" he asks.

"Hm…" I muse, looking through the cupboard. "Yeah, I don't really have much that doesn't require cooking and cooking requires electricity. I have apples, bananas, granola bars… Sorry, there's not much."

He smiles faintly, sitting down at the table, drawing his knees to his chest and holding the blanket against his skin. "Anything is fine, Clyde."

"I wish I could cook something nice for you," I say as we sit down and munch on granola bars and drink room-temperature water.

"I don't mind this," he insists. "I just like spending time with you."

I don't have much. I wish I could give Craig more. I guess this is where I need reassurance. I'd like to be able to give Craig all the things he wants… but he's constantly reminding me that there isn't much he wants except me.

"We should get dressed," Craig says when we're finished eating.

"Nah," I respond, waving a dismissive hand. "This is comfier."

I like knowing he's comfortable enough with me to walk around my house without a stitch on. I like that he no longer gets upset or unpleasantly emotional when we're intimate with each other. I like that he can tell me what he wants and when he wants it without feeling shy. He's himself – the way he was before Kenny started playing games. That isn't to say Craig is perfect. No one is. He has his flaws. I have mine, too... but in the end, I accept them.

After eating, we move back into my room and finish the bottle of wine. After a few glasses, Craig gets chattier. He laughs and talks animatedly with his hands and I smile, simply listening.

I love him. I fucking love him. I feel like once you love someone, that love continues to grow.

"You've seen all the grossest parts of me," he says offhandedly, changing the subject to that of a more serious nature. "You've seen my cry myself to the point of a migraine. You've seen me puke on myself and you've cleaned it up. You've seen me drunk and peeing on snowbanks. You've seen me at points in my life where I haven't showered in days and you still managed to stay in the same room as me."

"Likewise, dude," I chuckle.

He smiles faintly. "All that and more and you still manage to stick your dick in me," he finishes.

"Because I love you," I tell him simply. "I don't mind if you get a little gross."

"How quaint," he says.

"Call me Romeo," I declare, wiggling me eyebrows.

He stifles a smile and rolls his eyes.

We hear a faint buzzing sound and Craig perks up. "The electricity is back," he says, standing up and peeking out the window. By now, it's getting dim. "But looks like the plows still haven't reached here yet."

"They will," I tell him, leaning against the headboard. "Just relax."

"I _am_ relaxed," he insists.

"We can shower in a little while once the heating sets in," I tell him.

"Good," he says, turning back around to face me.

"Stay over again tonight," I request at a risk of sounding desperate.

"I work early," he says.

"So?" I shrug. "I do, too. We can set the alarm."

He smiles a small smile. "All right," he accepts my request before once again joining me in bed. He sits between my legs with his back against my chest, pulling the duvet up over us. "I like being here," he murmurs.

"And I like having you here," I say, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.

"It's always quiet," he adds.

"Yeah, this isn't a rowdy part of town. It's pretty tame."

"Good," he says.

Everyone in Craig's life knows how much he hates noise. He also hates crowds and being the center of attention. But I don't think he minds when it's my attention he's the center of.

We sit here quietly until the air starts to get warmer.

"Shower?" he asks and we both get out of bed, moving across the hall.

I turn on the taps and we both step inside when the water gets hot. We take our time and Craig lets me wash his hair.

Back in my room, Craig digs through my closet for something to wear to sleep. Even though he has a drawer of clothes here, he still prefers mine. He settles on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I like seeing him in my clothes. He still swims in them.

When we get dressed, we kill the lights and get in bed. With our tired limbs tangled once again, we welcome sleep.

* * *

><p>We wake to the sound of buzzing and we promptly get out of bed, throwing our clothes on and getting ready for the day. We make pancakes and then I drive him to the pet store for his shift. By now, the snow has been plowed and the sun is out.<p>

"Thanks," he says when I pull in front of the shop

"What for?" I ask, glancing at him.

"This was nice," he explains. "It was kind of like… stepping away from the real world for a while."

"Yeah, it was," I agree with a smile. Craig is right. For that short period of time, it felt like we were the only two people in the entire fucking world.

He leans forward pecking me on the lips before saying, "See you soon."

"Yeah, soon," I reply, watching him leave.

Still smiling, I drive off to the call center to start my shift. Another day, another dollar.

**Fin.**


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